The other day I wrote a post about how my car costing me a lot of time and money when I take care of it was the ultimate betrayal. Well, my car is laughing at me now because my roommate said “hold my beer”. Today I was informed that my roommate will be moving out at the end of the week.
This came with NO warnings. I even recently had a conversation with her about our future housing situation and how we were thinking renewing our lease one more year was a good plan. She said she was on board with it which is why I’m completely dumbfounded that the girl has decided to just bow out with no reasons.
If it is a money issue I get it, just tell me!
If our location is too far from work and you are just trying to cut the commute, just tell me!
If you absolutely hate everything about me and our other roommate, just freaking tell us.
Because now, I am heart broken. I am not only loosing a roommate who pays her share of the rent… I am loosing someone I thought was a friend. But friends don’t do this shit to their friends. I would expect a friend to at the very least communicate with me. But she never was one for communication. I would get a call when she needed a ride, plans fell through, and when she wanted to get food. I have unanswered texts for birthdays, rent, a bed frame I thought she would like, and even a week that she didn’t come home and I wanted to make sure she was alive. I have been her friend but I but I guess I wasn’t worthy enough to make the cut with her. I was a convenience friend. Someone who was there when she needed me but never there if I needed her. I think I was a friend enough that she would throw a cup of water on me if I was on fire but not even ask if I was ok or even check to see if the fire was out.
This morning I woke to the sounds of what I assume was her moving her bed frame out. I had no intentions of opening the door to my room to have that confrontation, I just let her go. I honestly feel like I should be more stressed about this situation, but I just … don’t care. If she wants to walk out of my life, please go. There are friends I fell out of touch with that I would much rather put my energy into those relationships or new ones than waste anymore time on someone who just doesn’t care about me (or seemingly anyone).
I am no stranger to having to cut toxic people out of my life. I am absolute trash at it, but I’m no stranger to it. I hate cutting out people because I never want to leave someone in need of a friend. I have always cared and loved people deeply and dearly–which makes me more vulnerable when I get screwed over by the people I trust. And being a trusting person, I’m more vulnerable to people who want to abuse my trust and hope that all people are basically good. I am generally right, but then I’m confronted with those few who are basically not. All this said, I have never had the toxic person cut ME out. I remember making a comment to a friend that I felt like this roommate was a drain on me spiritually and emotionally. I had forgotten that I said that I felt like I was here for her but I was going to get nothing in return for the emotional drain. I brushed it off and ignored it… but in my reminder I realized that I feel a peace. I don’t have to have that drain anymore and I am so glad the emotional cancer removed itself from my life.