20 Something and Single

Girls Aren’t the Confusing Ones

I’ve grown up with a lot of guys. My brother and his friends, my best friends, they’ve always been people I relate to. All through my teen years I listened to my guy friends complain about their “crazy girlfriends” or how the girls they liked were so confusing and they couldn’t figure out what they wanted.

I was so glad to get a group of girl friends in college that I could share things with because that’s when I realized that girls aren’t the confusing ones… or at least the only ones… people in general are. It is quite difficult to know what is going on inside people’s heads. They say one thing and mean another. People are too afraid of hurting people that they won’t say what they need to and they’d rather let you play the guessing game. Somehow I wonder if that’s why divorce rate is so high… people won’t say what they need to up front. Or on a far less serious note: if people simply marry them out of the inability to deal with the awkwardness of saying “I’m just not that into you”.

I had a guy introduce me to all his friends and call me his girlfriend one night and then take 2 days to reply to a text the next. When I first started seeing “John Smith” he was persistent in wanting to see me or talk to me. He made efforts to be with me no matter if he was exhausted from work or irritated with family drama. John asked me to 3 events back to back, we went to a movie one night, a theme park the next, and followed it all up with a group date with his friends. At the end of this awesome weekend I felt like I had a boyfriend. I felt desired and respected. It felt so nice, but my bliss wouldn’t last long. For the next month he bailed on plans at least 1 a week. It went from mutual desire and attempts to see each other to me being the only person asking to make plans. Thing was… John never said “no”. He always said he’ll try or maybe. Always giving hope just to ignore the attempted plans as the day came and went. I remember telling my friends after my first date with him I said, I didn’t see a future with him, yet I thought it would be fun for now. I just didn’t realize that “for now” was going to be SO SHORT.

I have wondered if his friends said something… but he said that they loved me so who knows.

But honestly, I have wondered if he met someone else and just didn’t know how to tell me.

I went from getting a “good morning beautiful” and “good night” every night to literally not talking to him for days. And before you say I must have done something, was too clingy or whatever… I seriously stopped talking to the boy. I only contacted him when he contacted me because I thought maybe I was coming on too strong. And as I gave up on him, thinking I scared him off and wanting to ask what it was that flipped the switch off in his brain making him not like me, he contacted me. And it was like a cruel trick, because 1 message was all that I would get–receiving no reply to my reply–until the next day. 1 message a day was my communication with him and I have never been so confused. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT? No intention to see me, just trying to keep me on the hook.

But honey, I am NO backup plan.

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