Most of my life I have been pursued by less than ideal guys. I have a large chest and long hair and generally that’s all it takes to be the subject of some unwanted gawking. And recently (per my other post) I joined tinder. I have literally met 1 guy out of the near 400 matches I have had because this guy seemed genuine and didn’t jump straight to “come over to my house”. Not only that but he agreed to a very public first outing which no other guy had really done before–hell most of the guys were offended by my request to meet in very public spaces such as Disney or Universal parks (living in Orlando has some perks) saying it made them sound like serial killers… but their protesting was what made them seem like serial killers–BUT ANYWAY THATS NOT THIS STORY.
Now here is the really interesting part. I join tinder and then I meet someone organically. He’s a really nice guy, a fan of big romantic gestures, attractive (and knows it), and could have pretty much any girl he wants. And that last point, was his own. This guy has made it very clear that he can get any girl he wants and doesn’t need me. I’ve seen the cliche barista wrote her number on his cup, I’ve heard a girl at work ask him out, and I’ve seen the waitress eyeing him up and down. He is a master at the games I am not willing to play. And he plays jumprope with the fine line that is my brain. I think he thinks it is flattering to tell me about the other girls that want him and yet he is choosing me, and don’t get me wrong it is… kinda. However, when he tells me “I am choosing you” while flaunting the other girls, I feel like there are backup plans and he never intends to fight for me. But yet if we were to become exclusive (which we definitely are not) I would want to know, but not in a braggy way, just to know… ya know? Like, “hey babe, I just want you to know so there are no secrets, that this girl at starbucks asked me out”. (Welcome to the brain of a wordy overthinking female).
After expressing all these frustrations to my mom, you know the relationship milestones I should have hit in my teens, I tell her “I think he thinks he’s a nicer guy than he is”. And she listened to my confusion on what to do and offered sympathies of “its ok honey” because she knew I didn’t actually need advice here just to get this nonsense out of my brain. But later, I get a text from my mom that reads “HE’S GASTON”. And I have never loved my mother more. She put it into the best context in the world that helped me understand my bad vibes. I couldn’t wrap my head around this guy being a bad guy because EVERYONE around me thinks he is SO wonderful. Seriously I couldn’t comprehend why I had bad vibes about him because I was being fed on all fronts that this guy was incredible.
But anyway… I am now in an internal struggle that wants to be with him because it feels GREAT to be pursued, yet I get the worst feeling when I’m with him. I am a relationship person and he says he is… but it is really strange dating someone you KNOW it isn’t going to go anywhere.
The Wordy Over Thinker 