20 Something and Single, Uncategorized

Deleting Tinder

In the near 1 year that I had Tinder I matched with 374 guys, messaged about 50, gave my snapchat to 4, my phone number to 2, and met 1. I downloaded the app last August on a whim and deleted it the same way. And if you’re like tinder, you want to know why. And no it is not because I am engaged to that 1, hell I’m not even speaking to him anymore.

When you’re deleting an account it’s not unusual for a company to inquire why you no longer require their services/what can they do to keep you… and true to brand, I over thought each option they gave.

Yes, I want a break from TRYING to find someone.

Yes, I met someone, but I’m not involved with him.

Yes, I want a fresh start, in my BRAIN!

Can anyone really ‘LIKE’ tinder?

But what it really came down to was I did not like what Tinder was doing to me. When I downloaded Tinder I diligently read bios and swiped through all of the pictures provided. I often would play the song people had picked for their “anthem” while I swiped through… it seemed to give a good sense of who they were. A few months in I decided I would NEVER meet any of those guys because the only guys I had had conversations with seemed a bit… well I’ll just say I did not feel safe meeting these guys. But I continued swiping, it was mildly addicting swiping through and being matched with guys I would never have to deal with. I enjoyed the constant and easily obtained ego boost from clicking on that little flame icon and swiping through guys in my area. Living in a heavily touristy town means there was always a new crop around.

A couple months later I found that I had gotten really shallow… I was rarely looking at bios and I was only going to 2nd pictures for 1 of 3 reasons: couldn’t decide from the first pic if they were cute, couldn’t tell who was the owner of the profile because it was a group shot, a cute dog. I was not thinking about the guy on the other side, and hey I guess that’s ok since I’m sure they never thought of me.

2 and a half months ago I decided to take a chance on a guy that actually seemed nice. We met and it was… really awkward… how could it not be, when you’re having to roll a first meeting and a first date into 1. There wasn’t much chemistry and the little we had in common felt exhausted pretty early. Yet I still found myself enjoying his company. I remember telling my friends that night, I don’t see a future there but he’s fun for now. And for a month and a half I woke up to “good morning sunshine” and fell asleep to “goodnight honey”. He’s a real gentleman, the kind that holds your hand and the door, pays for dinner even when you insist you can pay your own, and walks you to your door at the end of the night. He’s close to and values his family, especially his dad, and has great friends who bring out the best in him. This guy talked about the future like we had been together for months (or years) he asked to go on my family’s vacation and to be a wedding date in February (which was 9 months away at the time). I know he wants 2 kids–one of each– has 2 middle names and that he’s just as lost as any 24 year old about his career. He was a great boy-whatever-the-hell-he-was. He just wasn’t great at telling me he was not interested anymore. After a month and a half, it was like the light switch flipped off and I couldn’t tell you what went wrong. But I digress, because I did not delete tinder FOR him, but more because of him.

I deleted tinder because nothing on that app is REAL. I’m not saying that people can’t create loving + long lasting relationships from tinder, I am just saying that tinder somehow manages to put the best and worst of the internet in 1 place. People put their best foot forward daily on Tinder. Sure, they’re not editing their profile every day but they are perpetually in their best clothes, hair and makeup perfect, with a clever bio that is meant to hook people into ultimately meeting them. And yet this is the perfect environment for judgment and the keyboard warriors who would never say some of the nasty things they say to people to say it in a more direct manor while still hiding their face.

Even the guy I thought I came to know, wasn’t real… He was an idealized version of the guy I texted, the picture that made me swipe, and the company he gave. He was not MY guy and I am quite aware of that since the conversations dwindled without a tv show to back them (still disappointed with the end of GoT), but it didn’t make the fading out way he chose to leave any less painful.

Anyway, I deleted tinder… and I’m not sure that it makes sense why, but wish this still single wordy over thinker luck out there trying to meet a guy without the help of the internet.

2 thoughts on “Deleting Tinder”

  1. I was lucky enough to be able to delete Tinder because I did meet someone that I’m still dating, but I noticed the exact same thing that you did – the longer I was on Tinder, the more shallow it became for me. I only met my boyfriend after making a conscious effort to slow down, read bios again, and try to get to know people. I don’t miss Tinder in the slightest!

    Like

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