I Tindered…

I consider myself somewhat old fashion. I have hopeless romantic ideals, but as a rom com and country music fan I really didn’t stand a chance.  My favorite movie is Deadpool after all.

All that said, I recently downloaded tinder… yeah my eyes rolled at myself too so don’t feel too bad. At first I was nervous, what if no one swiped on me and I confirmed all my worst fears that I’m not pretty enough and will in fact be alone forever. After the first match that happened about 3 min in, fear subsided and I started to find it really funny. I found many guys thought their best angle was that of a singular nipple or a flexed arm. They’re so confident in their decision that’s their only picture. I also found some actual funny guys, one who had made a literal slide show for his pictures (I swiped on him because I was intrigued by the effort). How do they think that a profile that doesn’t contain their face is going to go over well? If any guy is wondering why they don’t get matches I can probably pinpoint it to 1 picture and no bio. But it got to the point if someone said something about “looking for their pam” they got a left because it was so unoriginal. 

I have never been afraid of what guys think of me in texting, I have always found humor to work REALLY well in getting a text back and tinder was definitely no different. Many guys opened with “hey beautiful” “you’re f***ing hot” or mostly “hey” and I usually throw a “what’s up homie” and always get a reply 😂. Now then here comes the guys who jump straight for “what’re you looking for here”. And I’ll give them that my bio has never been all that descriptive.  I’ve had a variation of Disney and football in my bio since I opened the app.  And every time I got too comfortable I would get a “wanna bang” “your place or mine” or the ever beautiful “lets f***” to crash me back to earth and remind me I was on tinder.

I appreciated the guys who were straight up “I’m here for a hookup” but then there are the asshats that think they can change your mind. There are no words for the level of irritated I was at the first guy who played the sweet game and then when I refused to go to his house, he persisted because he “knew he could change my mind”.  “We’ll just cuddle” he said… I am naive but I’m not that naive.

After all these matches, I started to think about if I would ever meet these guys… and no, I still want to meet someone organically. I wondered about the guys I was dealing with and though I’m sure many of them are legitimate good guys it is scary to think that if something went wrong in a relationship they could revert back to this app. I started thinking about the fact that in a 20 mile radius of guys who were my age and no older than 6 years my senior, over 300 guys thought I was pretty enough to have sex with. Ha. Bet you didn’t think that’s how I would end that sentence. Of these (near 400) men 5 attempted to hold a conversation with me and of those 5 only 1 did not ask me to send them a Snapchat of my breasts.  But so few of these people wanted to know anything about ME or share anything about themselves.  And even when they did it stayed superficial to where do you work… which to be quite honest made me uncomfortable because I did NOT want anyone showing up at my work and saying they were looking for me.  ESPECIALLY because most people cannot say my name when they read it–hey I’m here to see *butchers name* and either they don’t know who that butchered name refers to or worse they do and I have to figure out how to explain them.  Thankfully a problem that never ensued.

When I downloaded this app, I did it on a whim and out of boredom. I in no way meant to make it a near social experiment, but sometimes human behaviors are just too fascinating to ignore.  How is it ok to talk to girls like this? Even on an app that is understood to be for hookups.  How is it that people think you can change your mind, because I definitely am never going to hookup with someone just because he buys me food or invites me over.  If I tell you that I will only meet you in public, meet me in public for  the love of all things holy.  I don’t wanna get murdered, k? Thanks.

But of all the tinder mysteries I NEED answered: how the heck are you getting naked pictures in canyons? And WHY?! Do you take these pics with tinder in mind? How did all these guys decide that was going to be the get all the girls pic? Because I’ve seen so many butts and can’t quite figure out how this trend caught on since these guys are def ones that would slap a guy’s ass and say “no homo”… so there is no way they would have seen it on another dude’s bio.

Also is tinder profile builder a job? Because I could probably have a future in it. Dude who posted half his face and no bio I’m looking at you.