We are constantly telling people that you don’t need a significant other to define you. And yeah that’s true, you should know who you are without that person and be strong individuals. But as people we are meant to have company—even Roman mythology taught us that. I remember the story of the god who had a punishment to be alone forever. And I also remember all the middle schoolers snickering around me saying “I love being alone that’s not a punishment” I guess they forgot the sadness and loneliness and irritation they felt as a child in time out… or was that just me? But all the lonely times taught us to be strong and pairing strong individuals make stronger teams.
I’ve never been one to define myself by a relationship status. I make myself happy with my work, friends, family, travel etc. But at the same time I am someone who values relationships. I need people to share experiences with and I certainly NEED people. My roommates in college always said we had different levels of “people time” mine being the highest, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy some quiet or alone time, it just means I need less of them to recharge to my next people time.
Even if we just go to target or the grocery store I’ll always be the one wanting to do something. I’m perfectly happy having my outing on my lazy day be going to Chick-fil-A with some friends and returning to Netflix 2 hours later. But as an avid Disney fan I love long park days that begin with a character breakfast and end with the happily ever after fireworks.
Finding people to keep up with people like me is as daunting as doing the things I want to do, it seems. Most people talk a BIG game of YEAH I DO THAT ALL THE TIME, yeah I wanna do a day trip to the beach yeah I’ll definitely go to *insert city here*. In my “adult” years I’ve only actually found 1 friend who has been down to do whatever and actually follows through. I just don’t get how people do these big trips with 8 of their closest friends! Partly because big groups are ridiculously hard to coordinate— with all the personalities and times it takes them to get ready or trying to get people to agree on an activity. It always ends up going with “we don’t have to do everything together” but I’m over here like YES WE FREAKING DO, THAT IS THE POINT OF THE FREAKING TRIP.
Back from my slight tangent, I need a relationship and it doesn’t make me weak to know that. I need someone to care about what I did that day. I need someone to hold me when I’m upset or know when to not touch me. I need someone to be thankful and not add salt to the food I just cooked… pet peeve, don’t season or sauce it up before you try it! I need someone who needs me because I, in turn, need to need them. I don’t mean that in a pet or kid kind of way either. Pets and kids sit at home waiting for Mom (or Dad) to come home and tell them what to do, when to eat, and when to go to bed. I don’t need someone who sits at home waiting for me, requiring all the decisions to come from me–at least not yet #momlife (or do I, #DOGmomlife)…
Long story… well… long, companionship shouldn’t be something we shame people for needing. I don’t like it when people say “pull me out of my comfort zone” because sometimes when you leave that comfort zone and things go wrong you retreat further into it than before. I believe we are meant to be together, we are meant to find someone who balances us out and pulls us out of our shells so that our comfort zones grow. The person who makes you feel safe even when you are miles from your “comfort zone”. Essentially replacing security blankets with a significant other which is all a part of growing up.
*side note* Of course all relationships aren’t romantic in nature, but I feel friendships are only supplemental to our significant other. They are in NO WAY less important to the romantic relationships. And plenty of people only have non-romantic relationships and they tend to have MANY people-one after the other-that can replace the one before them in the right moment. It may be hard to replace a best friend, but if the calls stop coming or being returned, you can and will replace them or at least move them down a spot or two 1. girl who always has my back 2. friend who will always reply but doesn’t instigate 3. the bestie who quit putting in effort. But that guy/girl who broke your heart is going to require all 3 of those friends over for a movie marathon and a gallon of raw cookie dough to get over–and yet even with all that friend support you still may return to them.