What is it with former significant others timing? They leave your life, wait for you to get settled in your life without them again and then, and only then, they contact you. Think about it, if that text came in 2 days after the break-up you may have gotten back together. I mean, there is quite a bit of effort that goes into not contacting them in the beginning. But eventually you forget what they meant to you, you forget the hurt, and you forget basically that they ever existed. However long it may take, we eventually will forget them and only dig up their stories decades from now as a story to tell at a party or to our own heart broken kids. I had not realized how many people I had forgotten until I the first time I heard Taylor Swift’s song, unsurprisingly called I Forgot That You Existed. And it became fascinating to me that I actually have to remind myself of the guys who I have cut from my life. But almost more fascinating, these guys reach out to us and want to remind us of them.
Picture this: you’re laying on the couch watching Friends for the umpteenth time and get that “how ya been” text from a guy you haven’t heard from in months. You stare at the screen and wonder what the heck does this guy want. You eventually open the text and stare at the text some more, trying to analyze and see if there is some kind of subtext happening here. Now if you’re like me, I often reply. I keep it short and sweet with my standard, “fantastic” and if I’m extra bored I’ll throw a “you?” on it. And the annoying thing is, I am usually anxious for their reply. Not because I particularly want to talk to him, but just that I don’t want to be the sucker who doesn’t get a text back. But is it me or do these texts only come when you’ve either become satisfied with your singleness again or with a new guy? But if there is a new guy, there is the instant fear of wondering if you tell them. You don’t want to worry him unnecessarily, but you don’t want to be seen as hiding something. So you sit there and wonder what the frick to do.
Then there’s snapchats… a different medium but the same idea. Thankfully they are generally not dick pics, but they usually are a “this reminded me of you”, which is arguably worse when you’re trying to forget someone. Now I know what you are thinking, and it is what my friends have told me for years “BLOCK HIM” but I have never been any good at that. This was someone I loved and I am always there for people I love, no matter what. And even if affection fades I never wanted to be the person who blocks someone’s phone number if they tried to contact me. But it is a whole different story if it was a dick pic, because at least then I can be mad at him and know that I will never be more than someone they would show their “member” to.
It is just so confusing. I can be radio silent with someone, been left on read for a month and here comes a random snapchat. What’s worse is that if you don’t reply they will. Pleading to know why you’re ignoring them… But what the heck am I supposed to say to those? Unsolicited “sexualized” picture deserves nothing in return, especially if you’re not with them. Why do they still crave my attention? I stopped caring if you saw my snap/insta stories months ago, but you see my name on “friends who need some love” on snap and can’t help but add my name to the list of people you’re sending this to?
It is funny to think that my breakup playlist often includes Make You Miss Me by Sam Hunt–This time around I didn’t really make one. And part of that may have been due to it being summer and it was time for Jimmy Buffett. But when Make You Miss Me came on shuffle one day in the car I skipped it because PLEASE DO NOT MISS ME, I do not need you in my life. I know I was good for you, but you’re toxic to me. And strangely you’re still the one who ended it. And I am SO glad I finally realized that.
Long story short is if you chose to leave someone’s life, stay gone. You’re not helping anyone move on by poking me every once in a while to remind me you still exist.